WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
