Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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