my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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