how can u be prego again
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
