dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
