She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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