Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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