I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
