He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
