Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
