it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
