Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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