i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize