If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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