I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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