Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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