I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
