My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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