nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
