no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
