I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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