What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
