i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
