she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
