White coat. Heels.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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