he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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