; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just had sex on a roof
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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