Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
