I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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