Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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