Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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