I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
