Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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