he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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