I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
