I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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