Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize