Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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