Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
