I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
