we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
