Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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