got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
