Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
