my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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