If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
