do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
