im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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