Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
