No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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