he wants to bone in the snuggie
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
