hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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