the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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