drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
