He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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