Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
