we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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