Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
