i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
