coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
