ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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