maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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