Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
