i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
