Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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