Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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