don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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