Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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