last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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