One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
